06 Mar 2016

Exorcising Your But

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I LOVE GRAVY. I had the great fortune of having two grandmothers who were the Picasso’s of gravy. My Mother’s Mom, Jinx, grew up on and around Amish Farms or the “Pennsylvania Dutch,” as she would say. Grandma Jinx could make gravy out of dirt and water and it would taste like it came from a five star restaurant. She even made gravy out of hot dogs. Yeah, hot dogs! Which now that I think of it is something I really miss. Her Thanksgiving gravy showcased the pinnacle of her culinary talents. All other dishes served at Thanksgiving were merely a delivery system for the gravy.

My Dad’s Mom, Grandmother Audrey, lived most of her adult life in Alabama. She was a southern cook and she perfected the art of Sunday dinner. Dinner was as succulent roast, peas, rice and her heavenly peppery gravy. This alone made my chore of mowing, what seemed like 17 football fields of grass, every week, worth the effort. Happily eating this way, along with riding my red Mongoose bike to Wendy’s fast food restaurant, which also rustled up food I love, contributed to the expansion of my butt. Which today is still a constant battle to keep in check, because I still love gravy and every time I drive past a Wendy’s I want to cruise through the drive through and marry a Biggie Frosty with Biggie Fries.

However, I’m not talking about butts or backsides in this blog, I’m talking about the word “but.” I’ve come to realize that I am guilty of using this insidious word far too often. And today is the day that I have chosen for this word to go out of my vocabulary and out of my life. I will no longer say “but!” I will no longer use “but” as an excuse not to do what needs to be done. I will no longer use the word “but” to look for failures that aren’t even there or follow a fake sequential order of things that no longer serves me.

Dr. Wendy Dearborne, is a choice expert and coach that I have been working with for many years http://www.itsmylifemychoice.com. She has helped me identify that using the word “but” had become a crutch, impacting my decisions and ability to move in any given direction. My suggestion to you is to become conscious of when and how you use the word but. If the words that you are speaking are not empowering you, then don’t use them. If what you are doing is not empowering you, then stop doing it. If using the wrong words illicit fear within you and stops you from taking action, acknowledge the fear and do it anyway. Mark Twain said, “Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.”

We are all either one way or another, yet we are all on the same path. Each of us has goals and dreams that we want to realize. It appears that in order for that to happen there is an unspoken sequential order that must be adhered to without deviation. What I mean by this is, for me to have or do this, (you fill in the blank) this other thing has to happen first. In many instances this is true. However, experience has taught me that using that type of cookie cutter approach to viewing the sequentiality of how things must unfold in our business and or personal life can be dis-empowering. I believe a much more empowering ideal is to view “time” and the order of things as a mash up of actions and activities. This is seen as happening concurrently until we’ve reached our goal. During the journey to our goal the seemingly randomness of these connections, the mash up, looks and feels a little weird. Yet, as we review our accomplishments, we can see how all of the dots connected and there really was a flow.

I’ve just finished reading the The Dao of Capital, by Mark Spitznegal. It’s a book about Austrian Economists, explained through the principles of Daoism. Yeah, I know, it sounds exciting, “I’m a wild and crazy guy.” Generally, it discusses how progress is made indirectly, in a roundabout way. As you move, which is you taking action, you gather your strength and you hone your talents, so that when your opportunity comes, you can take full advantage of it. The book discusses at length why a direct route or cookie cutter sequential approach to realizing your dreams may never get you to your destination.

Ouch! My hyper impatience doesn’t like this much. The waiting for when an opportunity will present itself. I want it ALL! And I want it NOW. Yet, I have to remind myself daily of the importance of the journey. I know with massive action taken, I gather my strength, I hone my talents, build my confidence and with relentless persistence all my destinations can be reached. Yes, life, living and the building of our empires is a mind game and it’s a game we can win.

On a final note, 20 years ago today, my Mother, Jessica Havas Bear, passed away. What I learned from her could fill the Library of Congress. She encouraged me to take risks, to be bold, and to make a difference…no ifs, ands, or BUTs about it.